


How Samantha Ramkin-Vimes Cleaned the River Ankh

by Seiya234



Series: Saul and Sam Verse [2]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Ankh-Morpork, Ankh-Morpork City Watch, Engineering, F/M, Gen, Gender Issues, Genderbending, Genderswap, Period-Typical Sexism, Sexism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-09 10:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seiya234/pseuds/Seiya234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha Ramkin-Vimes decided at age 6 she would be an engineer. Here is how she did it.</p><p>My first proper chaptered fanfic. Many thanks to needlessly-spatial on tumblr for kindly beta'ing this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When she was six, and the Undertaking wasn’t quite finished yet, her Uncle Haddock[1] took her with him on an inspection of the construction.

Many years later, she still wasn’t sure if he intended all that followed because of that trip or if he was simply stuck babysitting because her Da needed an afternoon off from his wonderful but rambunctious daughter.

Knowing Vetinari, it was probably the former.

At any rate, after she was dropped off, Uncle Haddock [1] took her hand in his and asked “Would you accompany me on a piece of business or would you rather stay with Drumknott?”

Of course she chose him because Drumknott was nice and all, but was liable to put her to work stuffing envelopes. So they went off in his carriage, her entertained all the while by the shadow puppets her Uncle made against the carriage walls.

They were greeted by Mr Pony of the Artificer’s Guild, and Grag Bashfullson.[2] Mr B as she called him, shook her hand like always, and slipped her some rat later when no one was looking.

The next three hours were the most mind blowing hours up to that point in Little Sam’s life. The machines, the sheer fact that they were in a big tunnel UNDERGROUND, gobsmacked her.

She meant to be quiet and let Uncle Haddock work, like her Mum and Da told her to when she was spending the day with him, but when they finally got to see the Device, the two little cubes slowly revolving she couldn’t hold it in any more and blurted out “How do those make everything work?!”

Uncle Haddock and Mr B exchanged a look. Her Uncle then nodded at Mr Pony. And then to Little Sam’s utter delight, the rest of the time there Mr. Pony answered any questions she had about how the tunnels were being built, how the Device powered the machines being used, what was keeping the water out, and so on and so forth. When he couldn’t answer, he would call over one of the senior dwarf engineers to do so.

When Little Sam was picked up by her Da[3], she brought home a map of the Undertaking that she immediately hung up in her room. She brought home something else too.

“I want to be an engineer, like Mr Pony,” she announced to her parents at dinner that night.

————

“Would you want her to be a Watchman?” Saul had asked Sam soon after that. It was one of her rare nights in[5], and Little Sam was curled up in her lap asleep.

Vimes stroked her daughter’s curly hair, marveling at how thick and soft it was, and thought about it for a second.

“If she wants to, I would never get in her way, and I would be proud but…honestly, no.”

Saul’s eyebrows lifted and Vimes laughed at the look on his face. “What, did you think I would be all about having another Vimes in the Watch?”

At her husband’s sheepish look, she chuckled again, took his hand and went on.

“If our daughter went in to the Watch….I think she would always be the Commander’s daughter, rather than a Watchman in her own right. She has enough to deal with, having an old bag[6] like me for a mum, she shouldn’t have to deal with that as well.”

Vimes looked down at Little Sam and went on. “And she’s still too little probably for me to say this but…I don’t think our lass has the copper in her. She’s more like you than me Saul. And she’s smart. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her mum.”

Saul knew what she meant. They were both amazed to find that their daughter was…well, brilliant, to be blunt.[8]

“I thought that she may want to be a doctor for awhile, with her interest in…uh…”

“Bodies, yes Saul, I thought so too, considering I still have to make sure Igor doesn’t sneak her into an autopsy when she’s by the Yard.”

The conversation stilled for a minute.

“She likes building things,” Saul went on. “And she’s gone nuts over those mine plans Carrot got for her.”

“She is only six,” Sam said.

“Yes. Things could change. But, well. If this is what interests her, it can do no harm to encourage it. There are a lot worse things to fill a gel’s head than math and science.”

Vimes smiled. She agreed. And the thought of her girl maybe using that one-day-brilliant-brain of hers to make things, to invent, to create and build…it rather pleased her.

If anything, she wouldn’t be getting shot and stabbed at, which made her feel better as a Mum.

————

Susan wasn’t feeling very good that day [9], which explains why she decided to indulge in an un-characteristic exercise and she asked the children what their life goal was, going off one of those ridiculous worksheets Miss Frout had shoved at her.

Being Susan of course, she made all of them explain the best that they could how they would go about it.

When it was Little Sam’s turn, she went up and simply said, “I want to clean the River Ankh.”

It was a testament to Susan’s work that no one in her class laughed at Little Sam, even though to their minds this was inherently ridiculous. Susan, remembering some conversations with Little Sam’s parents, decided to prod a bit. “What makes you say that?”

—

“And this is where we get some of our water,” Mr. Pony gestured at the reservoir. For the past six months, he or one of the dwarvish engineers he knew from the Undertaking had been giving Little Sam weekly…he wasn’t sure if he would call them lessons, or an apprenticeship, because she was still so young. But they did consist of them taking her around and, basically, showing her how things worked, as well as major projects under construction.

“Why not the River Ankh?” she had asked, peering up at him through the cloud of her auburn hair.[10]

“Because…well you know why. I know for a fact you weren’t allowed to come last week because your mum caught you walking on the river.”

“But why don’t we clean it? Wouldn’t it be easier to get our water from the Ankh?”

Mr. Pony was about to answer “because” when he realized that that answer really wasn’t becoming of a man of his age and position.

But more than that, looking at Little Sam’s grey eyes, which had gone disconcertingly piercing for a 9 year old, that he was looking at someone who would one day grow to change the world.

He had no idea how one would both clean the river Ankh as well as how to then keep it that way. He could figure it out but he would need a few years, and he had to work. Mrs. Pony was doing better but rent still needed paying. And honestly, he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to figure it out with all the time in the world. Because hand in hand with purifying the river would be providing people with alternatives to keep them from dirtying up the damn thing again.

Little Sam would one day be a woman of power and influence[11]. She would be in a position to devote her time to such a massive undertaking, and have the money to back it up.

George Pony realized that he was potentially looking at a little girl who could go to change Ankh Morpork forever.

“Well, no one has done so yet. Maybe you will. For now, lets talk about how we keep the water clean here…”

———-  
Young ladies of quality, when they got to be 14 or 15, were usually married off, or sent to the QSFYL for polishing before being married off. Young men of quality were usually on their third or fourth year at the Assassin’s Guild.

Little Sam, who at 14 now wished to be called Samantha please[12], did neither of those things, and instead went down with her parents to the Artful Angel, the unofficial headquarters of the Artificer’s Guild, and asked Mr. George Pony, leader of the Guild, if he would take her on as an apprentice.

Mr. Pony would have immediately said yes. President Pony of the Guild had to deal with the immediate uproar of “But she’s a gel!” from his fellow board members.

He looked at the Ramkin-Vimeses. Lord Saul had his hand clamped on his wife’s, probably to prevent her from doing anything foolish. Vimes had the utterly still look that had earned her the nickname “Old Stoneface”. Samantha showed signs of having inherited that, letting the insults rain over her, though he noticed that she had gone pale. Pony had warned them that this might happen, even though Samantha had been tagging along with him or one of their dwarf members for years.

“That they could dismiss as us humoring you, or your parents,” he had told Samantha the week before. “When you go up there though, they wont see the work you have already done[13], or what you’ve learned so far. All they will see is that you are a girl.”

-

When they had gotten home from that first meeting with Mr. Pony, Samantha rushed upstairs, assuredly not-crying.

Vimes gave her a few minutes and then made her way up there.

She knocked on the door. “Little Sam?[14] Permission to enter?” She heard a snurffle that she decided to take as a yes, so she went in and immediately had a sobbing teenager in her arms. She led her over to her bed[15] and laid them down, stroking her hair as Samantha cried herself out on the itchy wool of her sweater.

Finally she calmed down enough to ask Sam “how…how did you do it Mummy?”

Vimes thought for a second about it. She had hoped, considering the amount of women on the Watch, that her daughter wouldn’t have to face this obstacle. It seemed however that there was still work to be done.

“Well…when I joined the Watch, they were so hard up for people they took me in on the spot. I think it helped that I am…the way I am.”

She began to stroke her daughter’s hair. “For the longest time, as long as you acted like one of the lads, they didn’t care if you had bits or tits. But I noticed that everything I did, I had to do twice as good as the men, for half the recognition. Unless I got it wrong, in which case I was told off loudly in front of everyone else.”

Vimes looked down at Little Sam, seeing in her face the same grey gaze she saw in the mirror every morning. “So I had to work twice as hard, be better than everyone else, for half the recognition. And it was hard, and it wasn’t fair.”

She wiped one last tear off her lass’s face. “But I got promoted[16], and when I was able too, I hired more women,and then your Aunt Cheery and Aunt Angua helped of course and slowly things are getting better.”

Vimes thought for a moment. “It’s hard, being the first. But by being first, you help everyone else after you. Got it?”

Samantha nodded.

-

After two hours of arguing, the board came out and told Samantha that they would let her in, provided that she could pass the maths tests they had their second year students take.

Not that it would do much good, because sorry honey, everyone knows gels can’t do maths.

If they were expecting tears,they were disappointed. If they were expecting protest at the unfairness of their decision they were equally disappointed.

Sybil Samantha Deirdre Ramkin-Vimes was going to be the Disc’s first female engineer, and nothing these old men could say or do would dissuade her.

———————————————————-

[1] And oh didn’t Sam love that her daughter called one of the most powerful men on the Disc “Haddock”.

[2] as there was a Device being used to power the construction and eventually the Undertaking, Vetinari thought it politic to have a Grag overseeing the construction as well though the Device now technically belonged to the city.

[3] “Was she good for you Havelock?” “Yes, as always Sir Saul.” “Okay Sam, give hugs and say bye,” Saul said, as he watched his daughter launch herself at the Patrician.[4]

[4] Vimes, seeing this once, had a feeling that Saul liked seeing Vetinari discomfited. It’s hard to be a stoic, all knowing tyrant with a wriggling and slightly sticky little girl climbing all over you.

[5] Sam would come home usually around 5, they would take an early for most people dinner, she would visit with Little Sam and Saul for about an hour, hour and a half, and then go back to work.

[6] Saul let this one slide because she clearly had more to say, but one of these days he would get Sam to see how good, how much of a wonderful person she was.[7]

[7] it always amazed Sam that Saul thought this way about her. She knew better. She had dents in her armor, blood on her hands, and that damn scar on her wrist to remind her.

[8] Sam and Saul being the kind of people they were, they each said Little Sam had gotten it from the other.

[9] and she had no idea how, as she had never been ill in her entire life. Two weeks later, when she missed a certain date, she realized why. Then promptly became furious.

[10]Sam had done her hair that day. It was, as usual, half out of the ponytail by the time Little Sam was out of the door.

[11] no matter how much Vimes denied it.

[12] she never really felt like a Sybil and Deirdre, though she would never tell her father this, sounded like a wet young woman who wrote loads of soppy poetry. Samantha though…she liked being a Samantha, shedding Little Sam now that she was slightly of age, and had the added bonus of still distinguishing herself from her mum.

[13] at twelve, after seeing that some of the signaling arms in the Undertaking were prone to sticking, Samantha had spent a month in her room fiddling around, and came up with a solution.

[14] only her mother was allowed to call her that still.

[15] Samantha already was several inches taller than her mother, taking after Saul in height, and it was hard at times to comfort when your daughter was already a head taller than you.

[16] because there were only three of them at that point, and even as a drunk, Sam was still the best option. She didn’t say that thought because it would have defeated the purpose.


	2. Chapter 2

When she wasn’t going to a work site during her apprenticeship, Samantha always made sure to wear a skirt, a pair of her grandmother’s earrings, and had her father do her hair up.

Saul was a bit puzzled at first; like her mum, Samantha preferred to wear pants when she could.[1] He asked one day, as he put her hair up in an elaborate set of braids.

She looked at him, grey eyes sharp. “I don’t want them to forget that I’m a girl.”[2]

There was much unsaid but Saul understood what she meant. So he put some ribbons in her hair that day.

His daughter was a brilliant young woman, and those old fogies could just choke on that

—-  
Just like many senior Guild members were upset that she was admitted, so were their students. Who in turn proceeded to try and run Samantha out with a campaign of harassment.[3]

Samantha had thick skin and a stone face, but she was also only 15. It would have been better, almost, if try would say it to her face, instead of the notes placed in her books, the barely overheard mutters of “uppity”, “rich bitch”, and so many others.

She had words, she knew how to fight, and she consistently posted the highest grades among the guild students. And none of it[4] helped.

Samantha tried to ignore it for as long as she could, staying as patient and deaf as she could but after she got a note explaining what exactly the writer wanted to do to her in graphic detail, well…

It was time to call in the big bows.

Mr. Pony was right out. He was barely holding on to leadership of the Guild after taking Sam on, his saving grace the fact that the Patrician made it well and publicly known that he was pleased with Mr Pony and his associates' work on the Undertaking. Not to mention that she was sure all Mr. Pony would do was tell off the other engineers, who would nod and agree, and then continue telling their students when Samantha would be in for her class work. [5]

As for her dwarf tutors, Mr. Longintheleg and Mr. Shieldbasher[6], they would have gladly stood up loudly in her defense, and in fact as Samantha later learned, tried having words with the teachers responsible for Samantha’s tormentors. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that long ago that dwarves were allowed in themselves, and so their protests were easily blown off.

Which left family.

Uncle Havelock was out. It would be the equivalent of using a sledgehammer to kill a fly. Samantha thought of him as a last resort, for when all else failed.[7]

And her Uncle, who she just bet knew about all this, was helping in his own subtle way, not just by showing his support to Mr. Pony, but by issuing a decree that ALL Guilds and professions in Ankh-Morpork were required to take women on, if they hadn’t already.

There was her mother, but first, Samantha was just sure she would then hear some refrain of “if you need to call the Watch/your mummy for help then you can’t really handle it here” or some stupid shit like that[8]

Secondly…Samantha was worried her mother would do something that she would later regret or worse, put her position as a Watchman in jeopardy. She knew what her mother faced every day in the street[9]. She knew where the scar on her mum’s wrist came from[10], and she had noticed her mother absentmindedly rubbing it when she announced to the guild that she wanted to join. And she just knew what would happen if she showed her the letter she just got.

She wanted to be left alone, not for her tormentors to be crippled for life or blinded.

Which left her dad. She remembered what he told her about his own school days, and she thought that he would be the best to help her.[11]

-

Saul had hoped that any child of his would never have to endure what he went through in school.

Looking at the vile letters his daughter had gotten, thinking back to his days, it took quite a lot to not go to her school and thrash the lot of them, or, even more terrifying, set his wife on them.

Unlike Sam however, Saul was more subtle.

So after Samantha had a good cry against her da’s shoulder, he clucked her under the chin and gave her a rather nasty smile.

“Right Sammy. This is what you can do…”

-

It was rather mysterious, Mr Pony thought, the plague of misfortune and accidents that had befallen the students of the guild.

Tommy Atkinson had had a honey bucket dumped on him by accident. Fred Smith had fallen into the river Ankh, and both still smelled. Carver Martin had a run in with a wild dog and jumped every time that he heard a howl. The list went on. He couldn’t see the connection.

And Samantha smiled, secure in Mr. Pony’s ignorance, bless him, and made sure to send soap to the smelly ones and get well cards to the ill ones, a smile on her face and exclaimations of “oh my what a terrible accident!”

She was left blissfully alone by her peers after that.

Now for the fogies.  
———-

[1] unlike her mum, she liked to pair them with a nice waistshirt and earrings.

[2] Samantha learned a lot from her Watch aunts

[3] tacitly approved of, it should go without saying.

[4] especially the last one, which rather than validating her right to be there just made her detractors angrier at her.

[5] it wasn’t that Mr Pony was unkind, and gods knew the giant step he had taken in simply tutoring Samantha all of these years and now having her as his apprentice. However, when it came down to it, he could half stand up for his beliefs, but not stand the whole way up.

[6] who, using the tells her mother taught her, were both female. They were fine presenting as male, but it did make Samantha feel a little better knowing that she wouldn’t be the only lady engineer when she was done with her schooling.

[7] she was also worried, with the way things were going, that if she asked her Uncle to help, people would then say that Vetinari gave her her position, and not that she earned it by merit.

[8] to Saul’s chagrin, Sam’s salty language had more than rubbed off on their daughter.

[9] watchmen gossiped like old ladies and Samantha was good at being quiet and fading into the background like her father.

[10] and how she found that out is a story for another time.

[11] hiddlestones once had the audacity to send an Old Boy to their door, asking why on earth aren’t you donating to the school, Saul old chap? Saul literally kicked him off their property.[12]

[12] which highly impressed a four year old Little Sam


	3. Chapter 3

Following advice from her father[1], she made sure that every one-on-one session she had with Mr. Pony was, and gods did she hate the term, chaperoned.[2]

“I’m going to be very honest with you dear,” her father said. “It won’t matter that you are fourteen, or that Mr Pony is a good man devoted to Mrs Pony…”

He took a deep breath and unclenched his fists. “If you two are alone in a room together, more likely than not people WILL use that against you. Do you understand what I mean?”

Samantha, who was far more worldly than many of her ‘social’ peers[3], first paled, then had two red spots of fury and mortification pop up on her checks. She nodded.

Her da sighed and hugged her. “I’m so sorry it has to be this way my gel.” She sniffed, then looked at him. “I have the perfect idea for a chaperone though…”

A quick talk with Miss Dearheart later, and it was arranged three times a week for three years Dieldiah would accompany Samantha to her private lessons with Mr Pony[5]

As Samantha told her Da, there was nothing more sexless than a golem.[6]

—-  
Samantha had her breasts grabbed when she was 16 by Mr. Larsen while she was getting supplies.

It was the last time something like that occurred.

Her Mum had been teaching her how to fight, and fight dirty. “Always remember lass,” she had told her one day, “fight to win, to survive or at least to get away and catch your breath. So don’t worry yourself with ‘fair’ or ‘nice’.”

When she turned 13, and thought her mother had taught her everything, her Mummy took her aside before dinner[7], and she had realized that she was very wrong.

“I think you are of an age when these would come in handy ,” and she gave Samantha some brass knuckles. Then she taught Samantha that night and in the following months and years not just how to fight dirty, but nasty.

“I hope you won’t ever need to use what I am teaching you lass. But it’s good to have in case.”

So when that dirty old man grabbed her, one minute he had a hand full of underage boob, the next minute he was on the floor, writhing in pain, his hand crushed and his fork kicked.

Samantha knelt down, grabbed him by the hair, and whispered in his ear

“You are probably thinking that you could take me to Mr Pony, or the Watch. Just know that not only do I consider half of the Watch to be my aunt or uncle, my Mum is the head of it. They’d all see through whatever lie you came up with. And they would not. Be. Happy.”

She threw his head on the ground. “Never touch me again.”

It was amazing how fast everyone was in the Guild to make sure they didn’t touch her after that.[8]

——

Despite all the trouble she had, there were good points as well. As she went on, she found that not all the guild members and students were as closed minded as the majority.

Mr. Roberts, after several years work with the Alchemists, perfected a new version of an old Latatian building material, concrete. He gladly let Samantha help him in figuring out the limits of the new material and how it worked. [9]

There was Mr. Candy, who was the Guild’s plumbing and waste treatment expert. He put up gladly with Samantha bombarding him with questions[10]; not only was it always a privilege in his mind to work with such an engaged student, but as well, almost no one ever talked to him.[11]

And there was him.[12]

——

When the time for the final examination to become a Guild member came, Samantha posted the second highest score among her fellow students.

And then was promptly told by the Board that she thought that she cheated[[13] and they wouldn’t let her join.

Her tutors immediately stood up, and then there was a giant shout off, which led to the agreement by the Board that they would not contest Samantha joining if she would verbally answer more questions in front of a public audience.[14]

If they thought that would shake her calm, that she would be flustered, that she would give up and go home, they were wrong.

Her Mum and Da came. Mum even wore her dress armor, complete with truncheon and wicked looking sword.

As many of her Aunts and Uncles from the Watch came as they could.

All of her tutors, sans Mr. Pony who was next to the Board, and the friends she made in the Guild were there to cheer her on.

And the coup de grace, just as her test was about to begin, a black carriage pulled up, and out stepped her Uncle Havelock, who went to sit next to her parents.

She smiled at them, then looked at the Board and raised an eyebrow. Most of them didn’t noticed, having turned ashen white when Vetinari came in.

It goes without saying that Samantha passed with flying colors.

-

Two weeks later was her graduation ceremony.

When it came time to walk past the Board members on the way to get her certificate and other official Guild accoutrement from Mr. Pony, Samantha turned around to face them.

Secure in the knowledge that no one could take her Guild membership from her now, and that she would never have to work for any of them, Samantha gave the entire Board two two-fingered salutes.

Then she walked off the stage

Sybil Samantha Deirdre Ramkin-Vimes, first female member of the Guild of Engineers.

 

——-  
[1] and she wondered why it was him who told her this and not her mum, until she learned about Lord Rust’s crooked nose.

[2] it was ridiculous that she had to resort to a chaperone, like this was the Century of the Banana Slug.

[3] both the accidental trip to the Whore Pits and several lovely teas with Mrs. Palm[4] had done much for Young Sam’s education.

[4] an old friend of her father’s, as it turned out. She had made sure to take Vimes aside at the wedding to tell her to “treat him right”, much to Vimes’ bemusement.

[5] Samantha found it rather odd that no one minded her being alone with dwarf men, but had the sense to not make any more trouble for herself by bringing it up

[6] though Gladys at the Post Office would disagree.

[7] there were two days a year that Sam would take off and she was not to be disturbed At All, and those were her anniversary and Little Sam’s birthday.

[8] her skirt brushed Mr Larsen some months later, and he actually jumped AND squeaked, which was absolutely hilarious.

[9] his colleagues were idiots. The gel was brilliant, and she helped him as much as he taught her. Also, he was old and Samantha was willing to do any needed heavy lifting.

[10] she had big plans when it came to plumbing.

[11] Mr. Candy, bless him, was obliviously odoriferous. Samantha learned to breathe through her mouth with him.

[12] the romance, dear reader, will be saved for another tale.

[13] If Samantha hadn’t been the angriest she had ever been in her life, she would have pointed out that they tried that one before.

[14] Samantha once again reminded herself tht Mr. Pony was in a hard place, and took her on, and was her tutor. But it was never harder to drown out that voice that pointed out that all he had to do was stand up, put his foot down, and say that her results stood rather than having her go through this rigamarole.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long delay in posting! I had the biggest brain break in coming up with this chapter.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated! :)

Samantha Ramkin-Vimes had it all planned out since she was 13 years old. She would get her practice started, and then launch into the two pronged approach she had planned for cleaning the Ankh. [1] As for marriage and children, she would marry late or never at all-the latter was quite fine with her.[2]

Besides, at 17 she had gone on some dates, had some hanky panky, and on the whole didn’t see what the big fuss was.[4] She was fine without thank you very much.

So when she got married at 19, she was as surprised as anyone else.

—-

His name was Will Deyeso, and she met him at a reception at the Lady Sybil Free Hospital.

She was with her father in place of her mother[8]; as it was celebrating the 16th year that the hospital had been open, her mum said she thought it appropriate that Samantha go in her place.[9]

She was debating between something wiggly with prawns or ridiculously tiny sandwiches, when Dr. Lawn came up to her.

“Hello Samantha”

She smiled. “Hi Doctor Lawn!”

He reached around her to grab a tiny sandwich. “I could use your help,” he told her as they started to walk back to her table.

Her interest was piqued. “With what?”

Dr. Lawn smiled. He knew he could count on a Ramkin, especially when the word “help” was mentioned.

“I invited one of our more promising nurses to this event, but I think he’s a bit out of his element; you’re the only person his age here.”

“He?”

“Yes, he is our first male nurse. But I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking with him a bit so he’s not bored out of his mind.”

She read between his words as well. Yes, she thought that she could talk to this Will, commiserate a bit.

“Lead the way Doc”

—-

Nurse Will Deyeso was about to crawl up the walls out of sheer boredom

That is, when he wasn’t having to curb his temper when some noble or guild head came up to him and said “Ere boy, aren’t nurses supposed to be gels?”

Then he would have to slap a smile on his face and blather on about how he liked the closer one-on-one interaction between him and his patients. 

Which was true, but it was one thing to feel it, and another to explain it to his supposed ‘social betters’.

He was trying to figure out how to politely excuse himself when Doctor Lawn came up with a girl his age in tow and his heart stopped.

——-

The first thing Samantha noticed about Will was that he had the most marvelous hair she had ever seen on a man before.[10]

And that he had a kind smile.

——

The first thing Will noticed about Samantha were her eyes. She wasn’t conventionally beautiful: her hair was frizzy and vaguely ginger, she had a rather large nose, and unlike the simpering maidens around him, wasn’t thin and breakable like a twig.

Not that any of that was bad.

But her eyes. They were an amazing shade of grey, and they instantly got his attention.

—-

“Samantha, I would like to introduce you to Nurse Will Deyeso. Will, this is Samantha Ramkin-Vimes[12] She is currently an apprentice in the Artificer’s Guild.”

They shook hands and then looked at each other for a second, in the awkward silence of the newly mutually attracted.

Finally, Samantha blurted out “I love your hair!” which got a huge laugh out of Will and they started talking.

Dr. Lawn slipped away. He knew they would get along well.

——

Samantha and Will were both far too practical to give credence to love at first sight.

They danced together for the rest of the night though, to the tittering of some society matrons. [13]

And Will came to her door the next day with flowers and asked her to dinner.

Perhaps not love at first sight. But a very auspicious beginning indeed.  
_________

[1] one, establish better water treatment program. Two, keep people from dumping their waste in the Ankh through better sewage and plumbing system. Partner with Piss Harry and Uncle Havelock. Three, have water flowing and drinkable again. 

[2] when she told her father this, he nodded and said “all I want is your happiness Samantha.” He had gotten his fair share of ‘continuing the family line’ from his father and he never wanted to subject Samantha to it [3]

[3] though to be honest he did rather much want grandchildren.

[4] Vimes had sat her daughter down when she was 12 and proceeded to give her not only the facts of life[5], but then launched into the advanced course.[6]

[5] which Samantha already knew but Vimes figured it never hurt to go over them again.

[6] “I wasn’t a virgin when I married your Da and I don’t expect you to stay one til you marry.”

“MUM!”

“‘Mum’ me all you want as long as you listen.”[7]

[7] it all came in handy eventually.

[8] Samantha liked the occasional opportunity to gussy up in a really nice gown. Sam liked not having to put on her stupid dress armor and play nice. It was a win-win situation.

[9] Vimes loved that Samantha was both old enough and willing to start going to some of these things in her stead.

[10] as her parents had long noted, Samantha had a Thing about hair.[11]

[11] Vimes was amazed that a child of hers had the patience to put up with waist length hair. That must be from Saul, not her.

[12] “Please no titles. Not if we’re being friendly.”

“Of course Samantha”

[13] though considering whose daughter she was they should have been used to it by now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or, Samantha gets along great with Will’s family, and Will has a little more trouble with hers
> 
> (It’s hard when your girlfriend counts the entire Watch as family. And the Duchess of Ankh is her mum. And the godsdamn Patrician is her godsfather)

Samantha had no trouble with his family, Will was grateful to see. They loved her right away.

———————-  
They had been going out for two months when Will invited her to his parents’ house for dinner.

“I think they want to see that you’re actually real, and not made up,” he told her over coffee and blueprints. [1].

Samantha raised an eyebrow. “Nurse Deyeso, are you implying that you had a made up girlfriend at one point?”

Will sputtered and Samantha grinned. As suave and cool as Will was, she could make him blush.[2], which amused her to no end.

—  
Sarah heartily approved of Samantha.

After all, she knew what the girl had to go through at the Artificers Guild.

“I wasn’t alone at least,” she said, offering a plate of cookies to Samantha before sitting down.

“I had Igorina and Mitzy and Igorina with me when I trained to be a doctor. And of course, you can’t ask for a more supportive mentor than Doctor Lawn.”

Dr Sarah Deyeso, first female doctor in residence at the Lady Sybil [3] sighed. “And now my son is going through some of the same things I had to deal with though not to belittle him but-“

“-it’s not the same,” Samantha finished. “Because he’s a man, and even though everyone might shame him for it, he didn’t have to fight to train as a nurse.”

“It’s changing though,” Sarah said, munching on a cookie. “Thanks to people like you, and Will too.”

“And you, Dr. Deyeso.”

—

Arnie Deyeso was a plumber, and when Samantha explained over their introductory dinner what she wanted to do with the Ankh, he got so excited that after dinner he and Samantha holed up in the back room for two hours drawing out plans, and talking about possible contacts and contractors.

“That’s a good girl you got yourself there son,” he told Will later after Samantha had said her goodbyes and left.

Will smiled his crooked grin [4]. “I know.”

—

Will was the middle child of five. His oldest brother Andrew was living with their extended family in Howondaland while he helped set up clacks towers over there.

His next oldest brother, Patterson, was also out of town, having moved to Genua where his wife’s family was.

That left his younger brothers, James and Cornell, at home with him. They were twins, eight years old and full of questions.

“Are you a duchess?” Cornell asked one day while Samantha and James were in the kitchen watching them do homework.

“Cornell!-” Will started but Samantha put a hand on his arm.

“No that’s my mum. Right now I’m…um Viscountess Twitcher or some rot like that.”

That opened the floodgates.

“Did your mum REALLY arrest the Patrician?”

“Yup,” Samantha confirmed and was pleased to see their eyes go big as saucers.

“Why is your hair so long?”[5]

“Why is yours so short?” Cornell looked rather chagrined at that.

“Do you have a million dragons at your house?” James asked.

“No, just 75. But if your mum says it’s okay, you two can come by and pet the new hatchlings.” And the look in their eyes at that told Will that Samantha would forever be unable to do wrong in their eyes.

After further questioning, when Samantha had run out to get some takeaway for them, the boys breathlessly assured Will that he had THE coolest girlfriend ever.

—————————-  
Samantha’s family proved to be a little more reticent.

————————-

Before she even had a chance to bring him home to her parents, he met the multitude of aunts and uncles that he had.

Or as they were commonly known as, the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.

He had noticed a week after he started going out with Samantha that there seemed to be more Watchmen around wherever he went.

His suspicions were confirmed when they were out walking and Samantha would call out “Hello Uncle Detritus!” or “Hey Aunt Sally!”[6]. Then she cheerfully told him about how pretty much the entire Watch had been looking after her since she was born.

“How many Aunts and Uncles do you have?” he asked a little weakly.

Samantha thought hard about it for a minute, did some math in her head, then shrugged and said “A lot?”

And here he had been thinking her family was mind bogglingly tiny. “Well, they’ve been popping up wherever I go recently…”

Samantha snarled. “Damnit, they KNOW I can take care of myself! Mum taught me how to fight and they know that. [7] I’ll talk with them…”

He touched her wrist. “No, Samantha…let me get it.”

“Are you sure?”

He smiled. “Yes.”

He had another three weeks of scrutiny and then one night there was a bad pub fight, and two Watchmen were sent into the Lady Deirdre with several knife wounds and Will was the one who helped sew them up.

There were still Watchmen wherever he went after that but now he got the feeling they were watching after him, just like they did with Samantha.

——

In the face of narrative causality, he had zero problem with Samantha’s father.

It was intimidating to pick Samantha up from Ramkin Manor the first few times they went out. It was easy to forget that Samantha was the heir to the richest man in the City and daughter of the woman who was probably the second most powerful person in Ankh-Morpork. And her parents were a Lord and Duchess on top of that.

Then there was the day that Lord Saul Ramkin-Vimes opened the door instead of his daughter.

“Er, hello Lord Ramkin-Vimes,” Will managed to sputter out, for once being caught off guard. He just wasn’t expecting his girlfriend’s father, much less that he was dressed in old leather overalls that smelt of sulphur and throw up, and it looked like his eyebrows had just been burnt off. It was also an odd feeling to have to look up, even slightly, to someone for once.[9]

“Please. Anyone going out with my daughter can call me Saul,” the big man said and held out a hand to shake. Will was glad to see he wasn’t one of those sorts who wanted to turn every handshake into a hand crushing competition.

“Come on in!” Saul said. “Samantha is getting ready; why don’t I show you around?” That turned into an hour tour of the dragon kennels, with Saul showing off all of his dragons.

At the end, when they had gotten back in the house, Saul looked at him and calmly, very matter of fact, told Will, “If you hurt her, I will have to of course break every bone in your body.”

“Of course.”

Lord Ramkin looked at him for a second, then smiled and clapped him on the shoulder.

“I don’t think that will happen; you’re a good man, I can tell,” he said. “Now let’s go fetch Samantha.”

And that’s why Will had no problem with Samantha’s dad. He would, of course, go after Will mercilessly if he hurt Samantha.

But he also trusted Will, didn’t expect him to prove himself as a good guy. Saul said his piece and that was that.

Also, Saul was one of the kindest, sweetest people Will had ever met.[10] Which at first thought, made it amazing to Will that he had married Sam Vimes.

——

Sam Vimes was, without a doubt, possibly the most terrifying person he had ever met.

And considering the amount of medical work he had done in the Shades, that was saying something.

But this was the woman who had arrested the Patrician, who helped bring about the KV Accord, and, of course, was head of the Watch.

Then there were the whispers that she had killed werewolves with her bare hands, that there was a scar on her wrist that could never be covered and that the dwarves feared, and so on.

On the surface, she was just a short old lady.[11] She had limp brown hair that was now almost entirely shot with grey, and was comically short compared to her husband and daughter. Her armor was dented, her clothes holey, and she smelt of the awful cigars she constantly smoked.[12]

But the callouses on her hands and the scar on her face said that she was no stranger to fighting[13]. And there was something in her eyes that spoke of a terrible temper kept only in check with tremendous will.

And he was going out with her only child.

-

The first time they met was a week after he met Saul, when she opened the door instead of Samantha, and proceeded to interrogate him for an hour under the pretense of tea.

Times two through eight weren’t so much meetings so much as catching sight of her out of the corner of his eye. He knew damn well it was on purpose because he was sure if Vimes didn’t want to be seen she wouldn’t

He didn’t mention any of those times to Samantha though. He didn’t want to cause any strife between the two of them. [14]

The ninth time he saw Sam Vimes though, he decided he was done playing silly buggers.

-

He was walking home from the Lady Deirdre one night when Vimes melted into view next to him.

“Commander Vimes.”

“Deyeso.”

Okay, that was it. Will’s somewhat short temper snapped. He turned and stopped in front of Vimes, cutting their walk short.

“Okay. I don’t know what else I can do to prove that I’m good enough for your daughter. I mean, even putting aside the fact that I love Samantha-yeah, I said it, I love your daughter-your husband approves of me. Your Watch approves of me. I am a nurse, which means that I am dedicating my life to helping people. I know godsdamn well you’ve probably checked out my entire life story, in addition to the grilling you gave me two months ago. So stop. Playing. Silly buggers with me. I’m done trying to prove myself to you.”

He took a deep breath. Vimes was just…looking at him, with that stone face of hers. He went on.

“And if you can’t do that, the very least you can do ma’am is call me Nurse Deyeso if you can’t be bothered to call me Will.”

There was silence for a long moment. Will stared at Vimes. Vimes stared at Will and finished her cigar.

Then, to his infinite surprise, Vimes laughed.

“Damn lad, anyone who is going to stand up for themselves isn’t so bad after all.” She clapped him on the shoulder. “Why don’t you come over for a proper dinner at my house tomorrow? [15] Saul cooks-“ and here she actually shuddered –“healthy, which I’m sure is right up your alley, Mr. Nurse.”

Mr. Nurse? So that was how it was going to be was it? He saw a glint in her eye that said “Even if it’s thirty years from now, and you will be my son in all but blood, and I’ll consider you part of my family, I will still needle you mercilessly.”

He could do that.

“Have you ever thought about the damage cigars do to your lungs?” he asked, and Vimes simply let out another laugh.

——

After that, he took the invitation to get into the all black carriage of Lord Vetinari, aka the Patrician, aka Samantha’s godsfather, rather calmly.

After a time of silence, where Will was content to look out the window to see people’s reactions to the carriage, Vetinari, in an unspeakably rare event, spoke first.

“Nurse Deyeso, you seem rather…non-plussed to be riding with me.”

Will snapped out of his window reverie. “Oh? No my Lord, I just met Samantha’s mum first, and honestly, she’s far scarier than you.”

Lord Vetinari…didn’t boggle at him because the Patrician did not Boggle thank you very much. But he definitely gave Will some kind of look before letting out a small snort.

________________  
[1] she was working with one of her mentors from the Guild on a project of his, to get used to being a professional engineer before she jumped on to her own project.

[2] She was the only person outside his family who could make him lose his cool. It was one of the reasons why he loved her.

[3] Mitzy got a job offer in her native Sto Helit, Igorina ran a private care clinic in the Shades, and Igorina was asked to assist in founding a hospital in Quirm.

[4] That crooked smile was one if the things Samantha loved about him…. Did she just think that word? Love? Oh shit.

[5] She had taken her hair down when she got to Will’s and it had cascaded down to her waist.

[6] Sally was rather bemused when Little Sam started calling her Aunt Sally. She was surprised to find she didn’t mind it, being someone’s auntie. That being said, bemused because she would never have thought she would be anyone’s aunt.

[7] When she was 15 and walking to the Guild, an unlicensed Thief tried to take her bag from her. When Carrot[8] got there, Samantha had him pinned down. Not that he could move considering she used her brass knuckles to break his knee cap.

[8] “It’s a good thing Commander Vimes wasn’t here,” Carrot told the thief as be hauled him in. “She probably would have killed you.”

[9] Will was 6’3 and used to being the tallest person in any group.

[10] Perhaps sweet was an odd term to use for a man, but Will didn’t care because it was true.

[11] It freaked Vimes out a bit that she could be considered an old lady now, especially as she didnt feel like she was 59.

[12] Which would become a much loved point of contention between Will and Vimes for many years to come.

[13] And winning.

[14] a few years later, Samantha told him that not only had she noticed as well, but that that was the cause of the very few arguments a that she had ever had with her mother.

[15] This was probably the closest thing Will was going to get for an apology from Vimes, but he’d take it.


	6. Chapter 6

"I would like your permission to marry your daughter."

Saul Ramkin-Vimes looked up from his cup of tea at his daughter’s boyfriend, who for once looked like he was actually nervous.[1] There was even some sweat on his brow.

Saul definitely pitied the lad. When he proposed to Sam, they hadn’t had to worry about what their parents would think. Neither had Saul been twenty, and despite Will being an accomplished nurse, still very, very young.

 

Saul put down his cup. “Will. My daughter is an amazing young woman, and more importantly, an adult and someone who knows her own mind and makes her own decisions. You should be asking her; neither of you need my permission."

“Of course! I just, er, thought this was the kind of thing you were, er, supposed to do, and um…."

Saul honestly never thought he would see Will so addlepated that his cup would rattle in his hand from the shaking. Well, if he insisted.

“Honestly Will, if you are determined to ask one of us for permission for Sam’s hand-not that you or her need it I must reiterate-my wife is really the one you should be asking."

Asking Commander Vimes.

The color drained from Will’s face.

——

But Will was no coward, and he loved Samantha, so the next time he saw her mother while coming home from the night shift at the hospital, he steeled himself and went up to Vimes.

“Hello lad," she said before he even was in her eyesight-and how did she do that? [2]

“Hallo Commander," he replied back [3].

They walked in silence for a minute before Vimes turned to him and said, “Okay lad, spit it out. You’ve not said a thing about my cigar yet. What’s wrong?"

Will had a whole speech prepared for this moment, a really good one with reasons why he’d be a good husband for Samantha, what he could offer, how much he loved her but he immediately blurted “IwannamarrySamantha," in one big rush.

Gods. Did that just happen? It did. Fuck.

They had stopped and were now standing in the middle of Quarry Lane. Vimes gave him the stoniest face he had ever gotten from her.

He was very aware that this was the woman who had, among other things, a pair of brass knuckles to hand.

Then…was that a smile on her face? Oh gods she was coming in and…

And dragging him out of the way of a cart to the side of the road.

Then she hugged him, which completely blew his mind. [5]

“Whuuuuuuuuuuaaaa," was the only thing that came out of his mouth. Vimes chuckled.

“Saul put you up to this, didn’t he?" Will was incapable still of rational speech so Vimes went on.

“Yes, you have permission to marry my daughter. Though really…"

Vimes had to cut short the speech about antiquated customs of gender and class [6] to catch Will, who had passed out. [7]

———-

They were eating at one of Samantha’s favorite restaurants, Yo Rat! He was having some chicken kebabs and she was happily eating away at a rat kebab. [8]

She was waving said kebab around alarmingly in her sheer excitement.

“So I went to Uncle Havelock, and I told him that I wanted to start by building new sewers, under the streets, and by the Undertaking, and bringing the old ones up to date, and I had the plans ready and he said yes! It’s happening! It’s finally happening!”

Samantha beamed, and it was the smile of someone whose dream was beginning to come true at last. 

Will took out a tiny box, and opened it. Inside was a small silver band, his great-grandmother’s ring.

“Will you marry me Samantha?”

 

————

It had been quite a day for Samantha.

When she had gone down for breakfast, her father had a giant grin on his face, and she couldn’t get him to open up about what he was so happy about, which was odd, since normally her Da wasn’t one to hide his feelings.

Then she spent the morning at Mr. Candy’s office, which was a little bittersweet. They had finished the project for the Fools Guild they had been working on, and she was about to present her Plan to the Patrician.

He looked through the varying blueprints, builder’s quotes, and other such things one last time before handing it all back to Samantha.

“You did good, my gel. I think this is solid.” [9]

As Mr. Candy was one of her teachers in the Guild, as well as her boss these past few months, his words meant the world to her. She gave him a big hug, minding his wheelchair.

“Thank you sir.”

She then went by Pseudopolis Yard to see her Mum for lunch, having brought two BLT’s for them.

Her Mum had the ultimate poker face, so Samantha was probably wrong, but it felt like her Mum was hiding something from her too.

She’d figure it out eventually, so instead she settled in to hear her Mum gripe about the damn River Patrol boat sinking again.

From there she went to the Palace, where she met with the Patrician.

This was an informal meeting, to be honest. It would have to go to the City Council, but Samantha knew that if she could get her Uncle [10] on board, then the Council would probably follow.

And while she knew that cleaning the River Ankh, and improving the plumbing and quality of water in the city was something he wanted as well, Samantha also knew that he wouldn’t go along with it if her plans were not feasible.

“Lady Ramkin-Vimes,” he greeted her and her stomach did the little flip that it always did on the rare occasions someone greeted her with her title as opposed to “Samantha” or “Ms Ramkin-Vimes” or “Samster”[11].

“My Lord,” she said in return.

What followed next was the most nervewracking interview of her life. She laid out her plans, talked of building an almost entirely new sewerage system under the streets of Ankh-Morpork, of cutting out the need for cesspits with a better sewage system. Most ambitious of all, buildings that would treat the waters of the Ankh, so that it would not only be impossible to walk on, but Ankh-Morpork would actually begin to be able to draw their water from the river, as it had done countless years before.

He hammered her. She didn’t expect any less, had planned for it actually, and had come up with contingency plans for most of his objections and questions.

He made suggestions of his own that Samantha immediately noted down, and would incorporate into the overall plan.

“You realize that this is the work of a lifetime?” he asked her when she was finally done.

“Yes sir. I know that even once we get the sewers up, it will then take further to get some kind of treatment program going to make the water drinkable. But…”

Samantha paused for a second, and looked out the window, to the city, and the River, below. She looked back at him. “I swore to myself that one day I would see the Ankh flow freely. And I damn well mean to see that through.”

Vetinari nodded. “I think you have a solid proposition. Please take into mind the corrections and suggestions I have made, but otherwise, I would like to have you present this to the City Council in a month’s time.”

Then he got up from his desk, came around to Samantha, who had gotten up as well, and gave her, for the first time ever, a hug. [12]

“I am,” he said, “immensely proud of you Samantha.”

Samantha absolutely did not cry a little bit, or accidentally leak a little cry-snot onto her godfather’s robes.

And then there was victory dinner at Yo Rat! with Will, and then he was bringing out a box and…

and there was a ring

and there was a question.

And she looked at him, not just his wonderful hair, and warm brown eyes, and nice smile. But his heart, his care for everyone and everything around him, how he prided himself on being so damn cool, and how much she loved to break that composure and how much she loved him and….

 

“Yes.”  
___________________

[1] a valuable asset in anyone working as a medical professional in Ankh-Morpork.

[2] When Will, a year later, asked how she always knew it was him, Vimes pointed out that she could hear him, and the clink of his keys in his pocket. And that she usually walked that way the same time that Will got out and they both had gotten in the habit of walking together and-

Will had her stop there from sheer embarrassment.

[3] Even after he married Samantha, he still almost always called Vimes Commander or ma’am, and Vimes called him Nurse Deyeso, or lad. [4] They only stopped when Will’s oldest asked Vimes if her daddy’s real name was Nurse.

[4] Saul and Samantha did Not Get It.

[5] if only because he was reminded that Vimes, scary as she was, was also a full foot shorter than him.

[6] or something like that

[7] Vimes took great joy in teasing him about this for the rest of her life.

[8] Samantha was the only human he knew who happily ate rat. Saul blamed it on a grag friend of the family, Grag Bashfulsson.

[9] He meant it too. It was quite something: both the project that Samantha was proposing, and the fact that his student was about to irrevocably change Ankh-Morpork, and for the better.

[10] She reminded herself before going in that she was not meeting with Uncle Havelock her godsfather, but Lord Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork.

[11] That last one was all Nobby Nobbs right there.

[12] With her godsfather, she was the hugger, not the huggee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Samantha's plans about the sewer system will be based on Joseph Bazalgette, and his work on the modern sewage system in London.


	7. Chapter 7

When two driven people decide to get married, they do not mess around.

Will proposed in March, and he and Samantha were married two months later, on her birthday.

Not that there weren’t some things they had to figure out and deal with in those two and a half months.

———

“Our daughter is getting married.”

“Yes Sam.”

Vimes thought for a minute.

“I’m going to have to wear a dress, aren’t I?”

“Yes dear,” Saul replied again.

“I can’t even do dress armor?”

“No Sam.” Saul saw the look on his wife’s face. “Though you can wear the kind of dresses that you prefer.”

Vimes perked up.

“It still has to be new though.”

Damn.

————-

“How do you feel about Lord Ramkin-Vimes?” she asked him.

He looked up from the article he was reading.

“Er, you know that your dad and I get on good. And I’ve been calling him Saul for two years now.”

“No I meant what you thought about the title…. About you being that one day.”

She joined him on her bed.[1]

“When my parents pass, I am going to be Lady Ramkin-Vimes, Duchess of Ankh. And you’d be a Lord”

Will got what Samantha was trying to hint at.

“Samantha, I don’t mind taking your name. Or our kids having it. Gods know I have four brothers who can carry on the Deyeso name for Mum and Da.”

She looked relieved. “Really?”

“Yes. Really.”

Will thought about it for a minute. “I think I’m going to stay as Will Deyeso at work though. Nurse Ramkin-Vimes would be a mouthful to shout out.”

Sybil Samantha Deirdre Ramkin-Vimes had to agree with that.

———-

Saul had noticed rather wryly over the course of his marriage with Sam that his societal peers would say things in front of him that they would never say in front of his wife [3]. They seemed to think that Saul was a dumb, witless, spineless blob.

Saul by now generally let most of it roll off him like water on a duck’s back. He was secure in the knowledge that a. they were wrong, b. if they ever said that in front of Sam she would gladly kick their arse, and c. they knew not to say too much in front of him.

Unfortunately, the story of Lord Rust’s nose had faded over the years with the former’s retirement from Society.

Thus Saul found himself in a smoking room at some function or the other  
a month after Samantha and Will announced their engagement next to the new Viscount Skater, who was thoroughly sloshed.

The combination of these two facts were probably [5] what made the young lord look at Saul, “Bigods man, how can you let your daughter marry a bloody n-“[6]

The last thing Viscount Skater expected was for Saul, a man twice his age, to deck him so hard that not only his nose broke, his body was sent into a shelf behind him and two of his teeth got knocked out as well. [7]

Lord Ramkin hauled the Viscount up.

“You broge my node!” the young man, a very slow learner, managed to get out. He looked at Saul’s face and froze.

“One: be very, very, VERY, glad that my wife did not just hear you say that, because Commander or not, she would have sent you to the Lady Sybil with all of your limbs broken. Two: do not ever, EVER repeat that word in front of me. For that matter, do not insult or say anything period to my daughter or son-in-law. If you do, I will find out. And you won’t like what would happen then.”

Saul dropped the Viscount to the floor. He looked like he was about to say something, but then, blessedly, thought better of it and scurried off, dripping blood all over the carpet of the Assassin’s Guild smoking room.

And like that, Lord Ramkin-Vimes managed to both ensure that no one would pester his daughter or Will with that awful nonsense, as well as scare a whole new generation of noblemen shitless.

————-

I have a proposition for the pair of you,” Saul told them one night over dinner. [2]

His daughter and soon-to-be-son-in-law looked up at him-and my gods he still could not believe some days that had a daughter, let alone a soon to be son in law.[8]

“This manor wasn’t made to have just three or four people rattling around in it. In my great-grandparent’s day there were three to five separate branches of Ramkins living here. [9] So, er…”

“Da, are you offering us a part of the house to set up in?” Samantha asked, quick on the uptake as always.

“Yes. Though I know you are both young adults who will probably want to set up in town and I wouldn’t blame you Will if you didn’t want to live with your in laws and…” Saul trailed off.

Will and Samantha gave each other a look, then Will spoke.

“Can we think about it Saul?”

Saul smiled. “Of course!” and turned the conversation to other things.

When Samantha and Will married, they moved into the carriage house, a pleasant compromise between living with her parents and having their own space. [10]

———  
Samantha’s Da and Aunt Cheery were the ones to take her shopping for her wedding gown.

Her Mum wasn’t that kind of woman.

Her Mum was the kind of woman who, when they got home that night, was waiting for her on her bed with a small package on her lap..

“It’s for your dress lass,” her mum said as she joined her on the bed, taking the parcel from her mum’s rough and calloused hands.

Opened, it revealed a braid of rose colored cloth, thin and about six feet long. Here and there there were brown discolorations , and the occasional knot from linking one strip of fabric to the next.

“It’s all that’s left from my own wedding gown,” her mum said as Samantha wound the braid through her fingers. “Not that there was much after the chase through the sewer…er, anyway, I’ve been working on it at lunch.”

Vimes looked at her daughter, a rare look of vulnerability on her face. “What do you think my girl?”

It didnt match or complement one part of her dress and Samantha didnt care a whit. “I love it Mummy. Thank you.”

She gave her mum a hug, they both ignored the little wet spot on Samantha’s shoulder, and she used the braid to tie back her hair on her wedding day, the ends blowing in the breeze [11].

———-

“You sure about this marriage son?”

Will looked at his mother. “I’m not sure what’s worse: you asking me that or you asking me that in the mess hall of a hospital.

Dr. Sarah Deyeso shrugged. “Think what you will William but answer my question.”

“Yes, of course I’m sure, there’s no one else I want to be with in the world. Besides, I thought you liked Samantha!”

His mother took a drink of coffee. “Oh I do, very much. However, you were my son long before that.  
And you will always come first.”

She put her cup down. “So. You are marrying into the oldest, richest family in the city. There may be things that you won’t be able to do anymore. People will talk about you, your “lower” class. There will be things expected of you. So I ask again, is she worth it?”

“Yes. She is absolutely worth it.”

Doctor Deyeso looked at her son for a long moment, then nodded and picked up her cup again.

“Very well then. I’ll go get my dress tomorrow then.”

———

They decided to have the wedding where Samantha’s parents were married, at Unseen University.

Mainly because they had to fit, in addition to Will’s rather large extended family, almost the entirety of the City Watch, a good portion of the Ankh-Morpork medical community, other friends of Samantha and Will, and lastly, various foreign dignitaries and local aristocrats.[12]

To Vimes’ great relief, the whole thin went okay. There were no criminals breaking through, no attempts on any politician’s lives, no slapstick catastrophes.

There was her daughter being driven up to UU in Vetinari’s coach, and him helping her down. [15]

Her daughter’s hair, down for once, waving in the breeze along with the braid that Vimes made for her.

Saul, walking Samantha down the aisle, tears streaming down his face.

The dumbfounded look on Will’s face when Samantha came in; Vimes remembered a look like that on Saul’s face at their own wedding and smiled.

Vimes, at the end of a line of Watchmen outside UU, seeing her daughter and son in law exit the hall, and giving the order for the honor guard to put their swords up.

Samantha, arm in arm with Will and radiant, pausing at the end of the line to give her mum a kiss.

Commander Samantha Vimes, crying shamelessly for the first time since Samantha was born, because gods this was her daughter, and it was just yesterday she was small enough for her and Saul to hold and now she was a grown woman…

Vetinari, dancing in public for the first time in years [17] with his godsdaughter at the reception.

Next to them, Vimes dancing badly with her son in law, and Will leaning down to hear Vimes tell him, “Welcome to the family lad.”  
_________

[1] Will had been staying the night since their four month anniversary, when Samantha all but dragged him into her room.

[3] because to be blunt they were rather scared of the Commander [4], based on thirty odd years of observation of what happened to people who crossed or irritated Sam Vimes.

[4] As they should be.

[5] though this being Viscount Skater, being absolutely bloody stupid was also a possibility.

[6] a note. Racism may not be as prevalent on Discworld as it is on Roundworld. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t there, unfortunately.

[7] Lord Ramkin-Vimes, as several of the younger lords in the room noticed just then, had very large, calloused hands, as compared to their softer, paler, smaller ones.

[2] lemon chicken, quinoa, and asparagus. Needless to say, Vimes was at work.

[8] before he met Sam, Saul had resigned himself to a life of bachelorhood.

[9] living and plotting and arguing with the other lines of the family but Saul didn’t think that worth mentioning now.

[10] this being the Ramkin Manor o course, Samantha and Will had six rooms and easy access to the kitchen in the main house.

[11] Several generations of Ramkin-Vimes women after Samantha also had the braid as part of their wedding wardrobe.

[12] who were only coming because this was the heiress to the Duchess of Ankh getting married, much to Samantha and Vimes’ mutual embarrassment. [13]

[13] though this did mean Mr Shine, who taught Samantha how to play Thud came too, much to her delight. [14]

[14] he spent most the evening talking to Brick, by now founder and president of the Janitor’s Guild.

[15] Vetinari had asked Saul if he could drive Samantha to the church. The fact that Vetinari volunteered to do that floored Saul. [16] Samantha was just happy to have her godsfather in the ceremony.

[16] floored in a good way, mind, but still rather shocked.

[17] bum leg, you see.


End file.
